Sunday, May 23, 2010
HOROSCOPES MONKEY TRIAL
24 - 30 MAY 2010
ARIES: This week you might be fooled by the rocks someone's got. Remember they're probably igneous. Suffer fools gladly, with the help of a good painkiller.
TAURUS: Although you are just a soul whose intentions are good, there is a chance this week that you may be misunderstood. Now is the time to look into feng shui, and to laugh at how silly it is.
GEMINI: Never trust a Virgo, especially not with your laundry. Be frank in your work life, and be george in your love life.
CANCER: Are those hungry hungry hippos you're playing with, or eating disorder eating disorder hippos? This week, you will successfully be able to lick your elbow.
LEO: You can't see the forest for the trees, which might mean you need glasses. When you wish upon a star, you might find signs indicating a rocky road ahead in your love life.
VIRGO: Don't through out the baby with the bathwater, because that's some perfectly good water. A teary-eyed former child star might harrass you to 'cross over' this week. Just tell her you see the light and then kick her in the shins.
LIBRA: Face it: your life is never going to be like an Absolut Vodka ad. Something in your personal life will cause you to break out in hives.
SCORPIO: Don't forget to call your mother, or at least your barber. This week, you might find that your participles have been dangling. Call in an expert.
SAGITTARIUS: You might develop a superpower this week, or perhaps a goitre. Talk with your friends this week about the things that really matter, like NASCAR.
CAPRICORN: Things are looking up for you this week. Turn their heads downward to have them looking straight ahead instead. Buy a waffle iron.
AQUARIUS: You might hear some angels on high this week. Putting them on low will preserve energy. Travel by train, or travel with a trainer.
PISCES: This week, you might see a black cat crossing your path, but rest assured it's just a very dark grey. Dreams of cottage cheese might lead to an envelope filled with anthrax in the mail.