Sunday, May 9, 2010
HOROSCOPES MONKEY TRIAL
10 - 16 MAY 2010
ARIES: Join the Boy Scouts this week. There are many good knots to learn how to tie. You will be featured in an upcoming issue of National Geographic.
TAURUS: Your superego is actually only a merely-adequate-ego. Someone's trying to get in touch with you. Pretend your cell phone's run out of charge.
GEMINI: All signs are showing that this week will be a good week for your mental health, but then again what do signs know, right? When in Rome, do as the tourists do.
CANCER: What do you think is worse: having a crustacean as the symbol of your star sign, or having a disease as the name? Remember: early to bed, early to rise makes a man miss Letterman.
LEO: Oh Leo, Leo, dance across the Rio Grande. Now is the time to make your dreams reality, especially that dream you keep having where you're naked in public.
VIRGO: Your friends describe you as an 'old soul', by which they mean you have the fashoin sense of Grandpa Simpson. Consider writing your name in all lower-case, like k.d. lang.
LIBRA: Although you can't judge a book by its cover, you can usually learn a lot from its dust jacket. Wear spandex leopard-print underwear.
SCORPIO: If you feel like a great whale at times, it's probably due to how much krill you eat. Paint the town red this week. Use acrylic.
SAGITTARIUS: If you've been considering shaving your head, now might be the time for psychological examination. You really need to take stock and figure out where you are on your life's journey. GPS should help.
CAPRICORN: Have you spoken to your flowerpots lately? Microsoft Word can correct your typos, but not your karma.
AQUARIUS: Talk to your toes. Make them feel at home. Once upon a time, you dressed so fine and threw the bums a dime in your prime, but factoring in inflation, you should now be throwing them eighteen cents.
PISCES: Beware of radioactivity, but embrace televisionactivity. All signs indicate that tomorrow is a good time to settle down. Until tomorrow, however, just keep moving on.