Horoscopes Monkey Trial: Your week 9 - 15 November 2009

HOROSCOPES MONKEY TRIAL

9 - 15 NOVEMBER 2009

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ARIES: During a transatlantic discussion, variant usage of the word 'fanny' will cause you confusion this week. And some bruising as well.

TAURUS: Important truths about your life will be revealed to you in the form of a “Captcha” on an online form.

GEMINI: You will question your sexuality this week. Your sexuality will demand a lawyer.

CANCER: At 10:00 next Wednesday, the world will end, unless you personally do something to stop it. Figure out what.

LEO: Your taste in music will be ridiculed this week.

VIRGO: You will believe that you have been saved by Jesus; but in truth you will have been saved by Philip Haines of Schenectady, New York.

LIBRA: In a spelling contest, a child will spell 'potato' correctly, but you will advise her to spell it incorrectly. You will be ridiculed.

SCORPIO: Um, those weren't chocolate-covered almonds...

SAGITTARIUS: This week, you will hyphenate your surname.

CAPRICORN: When you walk through a storm, hold your head up high, and don't be afraid of the pneumonia that will inevitably result.

AQUARIUS: It bothers you when people fail to comment on your eyebrows.

PISCES: You will have plastic surgery in the next twelve months, but as a result everyone will think you are Lionel Richie.

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