Horoscopes Monkey Trial: Your week 16 - 22 November 2009

HOROSCOPES MONKEY TRIAL

16 - 22 NOVEMBER 2009

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ARIES: There's no time like the present to perform long division.

TAURUS: Stop scattering your seed into the wind: the neighbours are starting to talk.

GEMINI: This week, you will learn that your teenage crush has gotten married. Your teenage crush is, of course, the star of TV's 'Punky Brewster'.

CANCER: “Lather, rinse, repeat” will become your new mantra.

LEO: Please stop trying to get people to refer to you and your partner by a name devised of the combination of the first syllables of both of your names; it'll never happen.

VIRGO: When a bald guy offers you a choice of numbered suitcases to open, don't choose 17.

LIBRA: That nice old lady with the blue hair is slowly poisoning you with hatred. And with arsenic.

SCORPIO: As the breadwinner of the family, you will this week discover that many other jobs actually give money as payment.

SAGITTARIUS: You will discover that being able to belch the whole alphabet carries less weight than it used to.

CAPRICORN: Ignore people who tell you to keep your hands to yourself; they're just jealous.

AQUARIUS: After years of deliberation, you will settle in the Pacific nation of Palau.

PISCES: Your enemies will attempt to crush you into a fine powder this week. They will only manage to crush you into pebble-sized pieces.

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