Horoscopes Monkey Trial: Your week 2 - 8 November 2009

HOROSCOPES MONKEY TRIAL

2 - 8 NOVEMBER 2009

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ARIES: You will contract a deadly illness next week but will be miraculously cured of it 15 minutes later. You will be none the wiser.

TAURUS: You'll never overcome your reputation as a one-hit wonder.

GEMINI: It might help you to slip the police officer a $50, but don't tuck it into the waistband of his pants.

CANCER: A video of you will surface on TMZ.com and will become an internet meme.

LEO: Calling yourself 'the chiropractor of love' will get you nowhere on the dating scene.

VIRGO: This week, you will find yourself at work faced with the snap decision of where to vomit: do not choose the flowerpot in your boss's office.

LIBRA: Nobody wants to hear about your underwear.

SCORPIO: You will buy a small rodent this week and will name it “Cynthia”.

SAGITTARIUS: It might be funny to call out, “that's not a knife; this is a knife”, but airport security is not the place for it.

CAPRICORN: Ask not what you can do for your country but what you can do for your Uncle Carlos.

AQUARIUS: This week you will meet a dancing boy in a Chinese suit. Speak to him; steal his flute.

PISCES: Jesus will come to you like a thief in the night. And, ironically, a house burglar will come to you like a Messiah.

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