Sunday, November 22, 2009
HOROSCOPES MONKEY TRIAL
23 - 29 NOVEMBER 2009
ARIES: This week, you will discover you have the ability to talk to animals; it's merely that they are unable to understand what you are saying.
TAURUS: Haven't you ever wondered why there's never a good plumber when you need one?
GEMINI: This week, your secret identity will be revealed – but only during a late-night infomercial featuring the Shamwow / Slap-Chop guy.
CANCER: You will get a visit from an old friend this week who will enquire why you don't have any young friends.
LEO: The best things in life have Velcro on them.
VIRGO: This week you will discover to your shock and dismay that people don't, in fact, wish their girlfriends were hot like you.
LIBRA: You and your microwave oven will have a falling-out.
SCORPIO: You will finally find that sock you lost four years ago. This will leave you weeping tears of joy.
SAGITTARIUS: This week, you will discover a previously-unknown planet circling a neighbouring star. You will be nominated for a Nobel Prize but will lose to Paris Hilton.
CAPRICORN: You will be bitten by a radioactive spider and develop a superpower, but the power will only allow you to be more successful at “Magic: the Gathering”.
AQUARIUS: This week, you will father a set of children with a woman with strange hair named Kate. This prediction holds regardless of your gender.
PISCES: If wishes were horses, they'd leave wish droppings all over the place.
Posted by Bungle Jerry at 12:00 PM