Sunday, July 11, 2010

Horoscopes Monkey Trial: Your week 12 - 18 July 2010

12-18 JULY 2010


ARIES: People who used to see you as Gargamel are starting to see you as Azrael instead. Someone close to you will show you the whey, even if they'll hide the curds from you.

TAURUS: The moon's been laughing at you. Can you blame it? Don't let anyone tell you that you're not worthy of a good manicure and facial.

GEMINI: While it takes two to tango, it takes a village to raise tangoing babies, like that one in the gif. Love is blind, which explains its fashoin sense.

CANCER: You could be a rainbow, if you didn't hate indigo so much. With any luck, you'll soon be making money hand over fist. You might also make some money with other hand gestures as well.

LEO: You're about to eat the Ramen noodles of love. People will continue to think your favourite colour is yellow when it is, in fact, navy blue.

VIRGO: Though your dreams of Broadway will never come to pass, you might get a chance on Narrow Way. This week, you'll find yourself swimming in huge oceans of gravy.

LIBRA: Geminis and Leos will laugh at you this week, but secretly they're just jealous of your awesome facial hair. The ties that bind are rarely bungee cords.

SCORPIO: What you can't observe with your heart, you may be able to suss out with your spleen. Happiness is just a grape juice stain away.

SAGITTARIUS: This week you'll be laughing all the way to the bank, which will annoy the other bus passengers. Believe in the power of acorns, and all will turn out okay.

CAPRICORN: Don't count your chickens in a Ford hatchback. You will discover that, while every rose does indeed have its thorn, there are a good many cowboys who do not, in fact, sing a sad, sad song.

AQUARIUS: You can't do the hokey-pokey if you're unwilling to shake your left foot all about. Salivating at the sound of a ringing bell might be cool for dogs, but it does nothing for your personal dating prospects.

PISCES: Don't be afraid of becoming the person you were always supposed to be, or of spiders either. Nothing lasts forever. Not even the grout on your bathroom tiles.


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