Horoscopes Monkey Trial: Your week 19 - 25 April 2010

HOROSCOPES MONKEY TRIAL

19 - 25 APRIL 2010

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ARIES: This week, you'll meet the man of your dreams: Freddy Kreuger. Stop with the chicken soup for your soul. Your soul is vegetarian.

TAURUS: Being a Taurus will start to seem kind of cool again, after many years of being a social pariah. If you ignore your bad luck, maybe it'll go away.

GEMINI: Regrets? You've had a few. But then again, too few to mention. Still water runs deep, but sparkling water is quite shallow.

CANCER: You have an unstoppable sexual magnetism, meaning people with metal plates in their heads are sexually attracted to you. Eat oysters this week.

LEO: This is the star sign for people with delusions of grandeur. Buy a throne. It's not the right time of the year to be singing Christmas carols.

VIRGO: Stop volunteering for cavity searches. The police already have their hands full, so to speak. You deserve good things in life. Pity you'll never get them.

LIBRA: It's all downhill from here, my dear. It's time to take the Backstreet Boys posters off your wall.

SCORPIO: A telephone number scribbled on a bathroom wall with a promise of a 'good time' might provide the very answers you're looking for. Procure a spear and magic helmet. Use them to do good in the world.

SAGITTARIUS: This is a good week to wear those sunglasses Kanye West always seems to be wearing. You are certain to find true love some time between now and the year 2035.

CAPRICORN: You are naughty by nature, which causes you to be down with O.P.P. I'd think twice before lending any Leos any money, if you know what I mean.

AQUARIUS: This week will come in like a thief at night and go out like a lion. Certain South American countries are crying for you. Please reassure them.

PISCES: If you choose to look on the bright side of life, it's best you put on some sunglasses first. Typographical errors provide insights into your soul.

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