Sunday, February 7, 2010

Horoscopes Monkey Trial: Your week 8 - 14 February 2010

8 - 14 FEBRUARY 2010


ARIES: Charity begins at home, and operators are standing by. This is not a good week to play Skee-ball naked.

TAURUS: This is a good week to seek out romance at the nearest Walmart. Keep your nose well away from the grindstone this week. All body parts, in fact.

GEMINI: Move to France this week. If you are already in France, move to Luxembourg. Use your body language to present your Ph. D. dissertation.

CANCER: Your biological clock is ticking, or perhaps that's a heart palpitation. Don't put off till tomorrow what you can put off till some time next month.

LEO: 'Hit on 16, stay on 17' is good advice for blackjack, but bad advice for the dating scene. Don't count your Starskys before they Hutch.

VIRGO: This is a good week to spend time avoiding relatives. Never, ever eat Weetabix again, so long as you live.

LIBRA: You will meet people with many different opinions. Be prepared to treat all of them with the same level of disdain. Practise saying “Lake Titicaca” without giggling.

SCORPIO: Hold someone you love hostage. The road to redemption is long and arduous, so redeem valuable coupons instead.

SAGITTARIUS: Invent a new lie for your Facebook status this week. Beatbox your way into your lover's heart.

CAPRICORN: Rely on your charm this week instead of your talent, knowledge or skills. People will appreciate it. Now is a good time to appear nude in an adult magazine.

AQUARIUS: Listen to the rhythm of the falling rain telling me just what a fool I've been. Or, alternately, get a proper job and be a productive member of society. Now is a good time to start waiting for Godot.

PISCES: Invest some money in real estate; divest your interests in imaginary estate. Donate unused luncheon meat to a worthy cause.


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